"I'm totally burnt out" is one of the most common things I hear from lawyer clients — often while they're debating a lateral move, or whether to leave law altogether. I hear a version of it in initial consultations too, from people simply feeling out whether therapy might help. For a mix of reasons, some specific to law and some bigger than it, many of us are averse to prioritizing our emotional health until its decline becomes impossible to ignore.
"Everyone pretends they're fine"
There's an unspoken assumption in law that as long as you're functional, that's good enough. If everyone around you looks like they're coping, it's natural not to want to be the exception. As one young lawyer who eventually left the field put it: everyone pretends they are fine.
I'd like that assumption interrogated, if not dismissed outright — first, because we all deserve more than just "hacking it," and second, because functioning under prolonged stress with no support is a reliable recipe for burnout, and for real physical health problems: cardiac, muscular, gastrointestinal issues chief among them. If we don't listen to the body's subtler signals that we're under too much stress, it tends to escalate to louder, more disruptive ones.
The quieter signs worth paying attention to
Separate from general anxiety or depression, there are subtler signals worth noticing. Emotional ones: irritability, sadness, reactivity that feels disproportionate to what's actually in front of you. A sense of hopelessness or guilt, whether about work or something else, especially if it comes with a feeling of being "stuck."
On the cognitive side: the mental agility that makes lawyers good at their jobs — turning a case over from every angle — is different from rumination, where you can't stop thinking about something even though you want to and even though it's no longer productive. Racing thoughts that never downshift, trouble concentrating or making decisions, are worth attention too, especially if they're becoming routine. Physically: nail-biting, teeth grinding, a clenched jaw, skin-picking — all well-documented stress behaviors. And on a deeper level, losing interest in seeing people you care about, or noticing your sense of humor or curiosity flattening, are strong signals it's worth reaching out.
The cost of waiting
Waiting until burnout to get support doesn't serve you, and it doesn't serve your employer either, even though there can seem to be a short-term cost (a lost billable hour) to stepping back. Burnout is a major reason firms are losing mid-level and senior associates, and it's something many incoming associates are actively planning around from day one.
You deserve support long before your nerves are shot or you feel like a shell of yourself. Losing your sense of self — your joy, your groundedness, your humor — isn't a required trade-off for a legal career. If you're wondering whether it might help to talk to someone, that alone is usually a pretty good sign it's worth trying.
If any of this sounds familiar, individual therapy for lawyers is a good place to start — including a free 15-minute consultation.
Adapted from an article originally published in the New York Law Journal, August 2024.